The cold winter...

Sometimes I can't help but wonder what would happen if I just disappeared, or just died
How would people react, would they even care?
for some reason, i highly doubt it would be that big of a deal
after all, what have i truly done with my life. Most people I know are getting ready to graduate from college and what I'm I doing? Nothing really.
What have I done with my life? Nothing
It's almost to the point I don't even wish to bother anymore
Why try? I know I'll never live up to anyone's standers they have for me
Or how great they think I will be. Or my own standers, but who takes notice of them
It's depressing really. Were do I go from here?
Who can I really lean on? My family, girlfriend, friends?
When they have all stabbed my back? When they can even look me in the eye
and the look flickers away like a candle in a breeze

What ever happen to love in this world, what ever happened to standing by the one person you love? Hell, what happened to being able to share with that some one everything. Since when were relationships built upon secrets lies, and deceit?
What happend to honesty in this world? It's funny to hear people say they never lie, or hate to lie, when in fact...they are lying to themselves when they say that and to others, because they just did just so they could get what they want. It's hard to be truthful when you can't even be honest with yourself.
What ever happened to love just making you happy, when you would want to just do anything to hear the ones you love? to kiss them and say "i love you" every night and morning, the last and first voice you heard?

Failures. I thought they make people stronger, and helped them become better people. The truth seems to be the opposite. It kills them.
Each one like a dagger slowly slicing the heart, peircing the back from someones own dam ambition.
Even more so when its never solved left open to haunt the souls.
then the dripping wound is re-infected with it and blood begins to pour out of it again.
Never forgiven left the dagger going deeper. the secound they try to pull the dagger out, someone is there to shove it in again.
Were is my happy ending?
Were is my shoulder?
Were is the person I can confide in without them running
Am I that scary?
All I ever wanted was honesty, all I ever wanted was to know my apology's were accepted
All I ever wanted to know was that I really mattered and so did my opinion
All I ever wanted to do was help
No matter that cost to myself, no matter how far I shoved my daggers in
Just to see you smile
Just to make you laugh
You expected me to give you my life?
My heart?
My pride?
Its hard to give away a life you never lived, you never had
The world had my heart until it took it for granted and burned it alive to forge its sword
Its sword to slice my will and my soul
How can I be a man of my word when I have to lie to stand up for it?
How can I count one people to be there for me when they have failed in the past?
How can I silence this hell without unless it to the world

What ever happened to the little things in life that made it grand?
What ever happend to being there for someone? Knowing they would be there for you because you held their head though the thick and thin the bonds of companionship
What ever happened to true love and happiness, or is that really just a Disney myth?
Just a product to sell, just like the facade of the American dream
What happened to the golden rule? Or is man really that blood thirsty?

or is it just as cold as the weather, robing the world of its color and wrapping it in the cold shrill of snow and killing everything unless it runs south to hide from the truth. I try to find the light at the end of the tunnel but the more I climb to reach it, the more rocks fall to push the daggers deeper
to let the snow fall in
to let the cold air rob me of my breath
and freeze the pules of my heart, the peices that are left from the falling icicles

What happend...

I think my other blog died a horrid death

with this i welcome myself to the web 2.0

I will write meaningful or competently useless things in here when i feel the need to

for example:
The lions almost winning today, what is the world coming to
thanks to a bad call, and it wasn't even like 35-3 lose either

meaningful or useless, that's for you to decide